1. (Source: the-anal-rapist, via marraphy)

  2. the-little-birdy:

    fuckingrecipes:

    ARE YOU A GLUTEN-FREE, VEGAN MOTHERFUCKER?

    IF YOU SAID NO, YOU BETTER SIT YOUR ASS BACK DOWN ANYWAY, BECAUSE DIETARY RESTRICTIONS DON’T MEAN SHIT WHEN YOU WANT TO PUT DELICIOUS SUBSTANCES IN YOUR FACE!

    WE’RE GOING TO MAKE SOME GLORIOUS COCONUT RICE!

    SHIT, THIS BULLSHIT IS SO GOOD I HAD TO SCRUB MY GREY MATTER WITH STEEL WOOL, BECAUSE I WITNESSED AN OLDER COUPLE EXPERIENCING ORGASM AFTER INGESTING IT!

    I’LL BE DOING THIS THE STOVETOP WAY, BUT IF YOU CLASSY MOTHERFUCKERS HAVE A RICE COOKER, YOU CAN THROW IT IN THERE AND JUST HIT ‘COOK’

    YOU BETTER GET SOME PERSONAL TRAINERS READY, BECAUSE YOU’LL NEED TO BE ABLE TO TRIPLE-BACK-HANDSPRING INTO A FULL SPLITS IF YOU WANT TO BE ABLE TO HARNESS THE PURE MAJESTY OF 1 AND ½ CUPS UNCOOKED JASMINE RICE!

    PLAIN WHITE RICE WORKS FINE. BROWN RICE IS NOT FINE!

    GRAB A 14oz CAN OF COCONUT MILK - OR MAYBE JUST LASSO A COCONUT AND MILK ITS DEADLY FANGS FOR THE JUICE YOU REQUIRE FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL DISH!

    PUNCH A LAKE UNTIL IT GIVES YOU 1 AND ¼ CUPS OF THE PUREST AND MOST SANITARY WATER IT POSSESSES! image

    DON’T HAVE YOUR OWN SUGAR CANE FIELDS TO PILLAGE FOR 1 TABLESPOON OF SUGAR? NEITHER DO I! YOU STILL NEED IT, THOUGH!

    THROW ALL THIS BULLSHIT INTO A POT (OR RICE COOKER) AND CRANK THAT FUCKING HEAT UP UNTIL YOU SEE IT BOILING! FEELS GOOD, DOESN’T IT? WATCHING SOMETHING EXPERIENCE THE SAME EMOTIONAL PAIN AS YOU DID, WATCHING A CERTAIN ASSHOLE TORTURE HEAVEN’S MOST ADORABLE ANGEL!

    image

    THIS ASSHOLE IS A VIOLATE MOTHERFUCKER, SO WHEN YOU SEE IT LEAPING AROUND IN A GOOD BOIL, THEN YOU NEED TO TURN THAT HEAT BACK THE FUCK DOWN. SHOW A LITTLE RESPECT, MAN! COVER THE POT AND LET IT SIT THERE ON LOW HEAT FOR 15 - 20 MINUTES, UNTIL THE RICE IS TENDER.

    HOW DO YOU KNOW IT’S TENDER?

    YOU TAKE SOME OUT OF THE POT AND PUT IT IN YOUR IDIOT MOUTH, THAT’S HOW!

    ONCE IT’S REACHED THAT POINT, STIR IT UP AND TAKE IT OFF THE HEAT, BECAUSE THAT BEAUTIFUL BABY IS DONE!

    CONGRATS, ASSHOLE, YOU JUST MADE SOME COCONUT RICE!

    WHAT CAN YOU USE IT FOR?

    EAT IT, MOTHERFUCKER!

    SIDE DISH FOR FUCKING ANYTHING, RICE IS BADASS LIKE THAT!

    LEAVE IT IN THE FRIDGE AND SERVE WITH FRESHLY SLICED FRUIT, THAT’S CLASSY SHIT!

     

    Q’d

    (via fitnessisfitfor-me)

  3. The History of Middle Earth pdf

    maire-annatari:

    misbehavingmaiar:

    :’D  *happy tears*

    Thank you thank you thank you, my credit card has been spared so many scorch marks, you have no idea!

    (Source: contemporaryelfinchild)

    The knight hesitated. “Your Grace, if you are dead—”
    “—you will avenge my death, and seat my daughter on the Iron Throne. Or die in the attempt.”

    (Source: tyrelled, via queenswrath)

  4. bundere:

    bundere:

    DO NOT BUY A BUNNY JUST BECAUSE YOU SAW A CUTE PHOTO ON THE INTERNET!!! DO NOT BUY ANY ANIMAL JUST BECAUSE YOU SAW A CUTE PHOTO ON THE INTERNET. DO RESEARCH FIRST AND MAKE SURE YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF THAT ANIMAL. PETS ARE NOT HANDBAGS DO NOT TREAT THEM AS SUCH

    This is super relevant again with Easter coming around the corner!!!

    (via nikkichuu)

  5. (Source: dormerdaily, via anneboleyns)

  6. mr-egbutt:

    seifukucat:

    eating clocks is really time consuming

    especially when you go back for seconds

    (via marraphy)

  7. meekobits:

    How I wanted it to end.

    (via adathranduil)

    roachpatrol:

    ivanebeoulve:

    adventuresintimeandspace:

    Here are some scientific facts about blood loss for all you psychopaths writers out there.

    yeah, for writting..

    now i am thinking about all the fics where a kid passes out because vampire and like how much can a vampire chug???

    (via witchydarling)